Not Alone.

Research has shown that when we are born, we are physically, chemically, and biologically designed to desire relationships with others. Some people are talkative and are real social butterflies, while others might be a little more quiet or perhaps even shy. But humans are designed to desire interaction and relationships with other humans. And even if some people enjoy their privacy, their own space, and time to themselves, I honestly do believe that, unless there is an imbalance somewhere, no one wants to be alone. People can only go for so long without interaction before they become sad, discouraged, or in severe situations, go absolutely crazy. People just need to be around other people. And beyond that, people desire to have others in their lives who truly understand them. When people seek advice, for example, they tend to be drawn to ask others who have had some kind of experience with what they are dealing with. If not, then there is typically a pretty good amount of trust in the relationship already to make up for it. Connections are important, and people do not like to feel alone.

The truth is that we never are truly alone. No matter where we are - in the middle of a crowded room or isolated by ourselves - we have a God who loves us and longs to have a connection with us, just like we long to have connections with others. (Wow, He really did make us in His image!) Joshua 1:9 says, "For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." But sometimes we need someone who is tangible; someone we can hear with our ears, see with our eyes, and touch with our skin. When we are deprived of this, or maybe when we cannot find anyone who can truly relate to us, we feel alone.

Let me tell you... you are not alone. And understanding the importance of speaking this truth to your loved ones is, well... important! I am going to share some things about myself to explain this further. Please bear with me.

I do not feel safe often. I'm not afraid of anything, really. I just do not feel safe. I don't know what happened, but sometime in middle school or high school, I just put up my guard and never learned how to take it back down. This is particularly difficult for girls, and even more so for girls who come from broken homes or who do not have a positive relationship with their father or brothers. I do not have any brothers, and though my family is broken, I still have a relationship with my dad, so I honestly don't know why I struggle with this. But I do know one thing: Tyler made me feel safe...... always. Especially in this last year or so as our "connection" really blossomed. I have told this story before, but it relates. A little more than one year ago I told Tyler where I would be attending college. He then said this:

"I'm just two streets away if you ever need me."


That statement alone made me feel safer than I had felt in a long time. And that feeling did not fade easily. And if I was ever stressed or overwhelmed, Tyler would always say the same thing: "I'm close." Those two words held so  much significance for me, and to be honest, I feel like they could more often if only we spoke them more often. Sometimes all we need is reassurance that someone we love is close by. I never needed much more than that from Tyler. His simple message was enough to put my heart at ease and make me feel secure again. Even though he was not physically with me, he reminded me that I was not alone, and I honestly feel that we should offer this simple reminder to our loved ones more often (if we mean it, of course). Just making yourself available could mean the world to someone. It meant the world to me.

I have been listening to this song a lot lately. It is called Not Alone and it is by the band RED.

"Slowly fading away
You're lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold?
Looking for a distant light
Someone who could save a life
Living in fear that no one will hear your cry


Can you save me now?


I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won't leave you
I will catch you when you feel like letting go
'Cause you're not... you're not alone


Your heart is full of broken dreams
Just a fading memory
Everything's gone but the pain carries on
Lost in the rain again
When will it ever end?
The arms of relief seem so out of reach


But I, I am here



I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won't leave you
I will catch you when you feel like letting go
'Cause you're not... you're not alone


I will be your hope when you feel like it's over
I will pick you up when your whole world shatters
And when you're finally in my arms
Look up and see that love has a face!



I am with you
I will carry you through it all
I won't leave you
I will catch you when you feel like letting go
'Cause you're not... you're not alone


And I will be your hope
I will pick you up
And I will be your hope
And I will be your hope


Slowly fading away
You're lost and so afraid
Where is the hope in a world so cold?"


I feel like this song reflects a lot of the things Tyler said to me. He often reminded me that I was not alone, that he was close by.... and he even promised me that he would never leave me. It hurts now to think back and remember that promise because, well, he's gone. But everything he said still means the whole world to me. The bridge of this song reminds me of the last few conversations Tyler and I ever had, but the line that gets me the most is, "And I will pick you up when your whole world shatters." Tyler basically made that same promise to me, but neither of us knew that both of our worlds were about to do just that. Shatter. I never imagined that Tyler would be the one to shatter mine after he did so much to piece it together.

But even now when I look back on those simple reminders, my heart feels glad, even in the midst of the hurt. All of this to say that it is important to make ourselves available to others, and to remind each other that we are not alone. We are all doing this crazy thing called life..... but we need to learn to do it together.

Remember this: you are not alone. And if you feel like you are, please know that you are not alone in that either. Even though I have recently moved back to school and am almost constantly surrounded by loved ones and peers... I have never felt more alone in my entire life.

You are not alone.