The Dash.

It's been two weeks since Tyler died. All of the events are done with. We had a visitation for guests to come and offer their condolences to the family. It was scheduled to go from 4:30 to 8, but it ended up going from 3:30 to 9, and there was a line of people wrapped around the building the entire time. It was really quite astounding and heartwarming to see so many people who love and miss Tyler. I spent a lot of time standing in front of a cardboard cutout his high school basketball team had made of him. He posed standing tall with a look of intense confidence on his face, and yet, he still had that same gentleness about him that he always had. Towards the end of the visitation I was looking through the various scrapbooks and photo albums with my 4-year-old cousin Hannah. She was pointing out Tyler in all of the pictures, and twice she looked up at me with the most cheerfully beautiful eyes and exclaimed, "Tyler is the best!" Someday she will understand, but for now, I'm so glad that she doesn't. For now she can just reflect on how much she loves Tyler and how good of a cousin and a person he was. She doesn't yet have to feel the pain of missing him or understanding what happened to him. She shouldn't. She's only 4. The family gathered outside to watch the hearse drive away. Most of them were crying, and yet there was a dark and heavy silence all around. It was terrible.

The next day we had a final goodbye for the family. When it was my turn, I set my hands on the lid of the casket but could not muster the word. It tasted bitter on my tongue. How could I ever say a final goodbye to someone I love so dearly? To me, it felt like the word goodbye was just another way of letting go or giving up. I could never let go of Tyler, I want to keep him in my heart for the rest of my days. And I could never give up on him. Even though he gave up his life, he never gave up on me. It just wouldn't be fair. So instead of goodbye, I said, "I love you Tyler. Goodbye..... for now." I have faith that I will see Tyler again someday, and until then, I'm going to keep pressing on and I am going to carry Tyler's legacy to the best of my ability.

This past Sunday was the official memorial service. It was sad at first, but became surprisingly cheerful and happy. The focus was to rejoice in the life Tyler had and to share the fond memories we have of him. His mom spoke, and she said that whenever she would drop, break, or lose something, or begin to worry about something, Tyler would always tell her, "Mom, don't worry... you have me!" Oh, Tyler. :)

My aunt Becki shared a poem that I would like to share with you now. It got me thinking, and I hope it does the same for you. It's called The Dash and it's by Linda Ellis:

__________

There was a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end

He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years

For that dash stands for all the time
That she spent alive on earth
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash

So think about this long and hard
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left
That can still be rearranged

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel

We'd be less quick to anger
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before

If we treat each other with respect
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while

So when your eulogy is being read
With your life's actions to rehash
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

'Cause that dash stands for all the time
That you spent alive on earth
And only those who love you
Know what that little line is worth

It matters not how much you own;
The cars, the house, the cash
What matters is how you live and love
And how you spend your dash

What matters is how you live and love
And how you spend your dash
__________

It was nice to sit and reflect on Tyler's dash. Although the dates on either side of it are too close to each other, it's still good to focus on the life that took place between them. And Tyler definitely knew what this was about. He treated everyone with respect, he knew that what matters most in life is how it is lived and how much we love. He smiled often and always knew how to make others smile. And he was slow to anger. He said he had never been angry at anyone in his family for more than an hour. I hope Tyler is proud of his dash. I know I am.

Oh, and I learned that Tyler once drank an entire gallon of milk in an hour and kept it down.
That's my cuzie. ;)